I wonder if we were really able to help Onpu-chan.
Onpu-chan didn’t actually want to get us involved… but she told us that she felt more gratitude than regret about everyone using magic of our own accord. Because until the moment her mother passed away, even though it was a short time, she was able to spend a very happy time. That’s what she said.
──I’m sorry, Onpu-chan. We were too caught up in ourselves.
Because we didn’t know anything, we felt pain and sorrow, yet there was nothing we could do but let Onpu-chan go through this alone.
But we won’t let anyone say what we did was wrong.
We’ve never been more grateful to have the power of magic, even as apprentices. And for Onpu-chan to say “thank you” to us like that, it was undoubtedly from the heart.
Onpu-chan said “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry.”
So we’ll accept Onpu-chan’s words and carry on from yesterday.
Because time continues on every day, it won’t stop for us. We just have to do what we need to do now.
If we got stuck dwelling on Onpu-chan and couldn’t move forward, I’m sure she would be sad.
Besides, if there is an answer to this mystery, I think it’s far, far in the future.
For now, I need to put aside the New Year’s mood, our soccer team’s second place finish, and Onpu-chan’s mother passing away somewhere.
Because Hana-chan and I have our university entrance exams coming up fast.
If Hana-chan and I keep dragging our feet and can’t focus on our exam studies, Onpu-chan would get angry at us for sure. Especially me, since I’m barely inside the acceptance range. I absolutely have to do my best.
Once January starts, the days we go to school decrease. I study at the library in the mornings, go to school to ask teachers about things I don’t understand, and envy my friends who got accepted through recommendations. Things I barely noticed before, like my juniors running energetically through the hallway, now stand out to me.
“Hana-chan is still the same as ever, huh?”
On my way back from the library, I stopped by MAHO-do, and Hana-chan was in the kitchen, helping Momo-chan. It’s the same scene as always, but still.
“The National Center Test is this weekend, will you be okay? Hana-chan.”
Unlike me, Hana-chan has excellent grades, so she probably won’t be panicking at the last minute.
Maybe because my voice was loud, but the door separating the store lobby and kitchen opened a crack, and Momo-chan said to me,
“Of course I’m not making her work in the counter now.”
“That’s right, that’s right. Hana wants to help out front, but Momoko said no.”
If it were just Momo-chan and Hana-chan, it would make more sense for their roles to be reversed. But since MAHO-do is Hana-chan’s home, it’s natural for her to want to help out. However, if she keeps working here until before the National Center Test, it might look like she has too much free time and is overly casual about the exams.
“That’s not the case, Doremi.”
Majorika, who was elegantly drinking tea with Lala, saw right through me.
“Sweets House MAHO-do will be closing its doors at the end of March, you see? Momoko wants to properly say goodbye to all the regular customers she’s been serving all this time.”
Looking towards the closed door where Momo-chan was, Lala spoke wistfully.
“I see. You’re right.”
I looked around the kitchen of MAHO-do. Although it’s a sweets store that’s less than three years old, it’s filled with all sorts of history. The tables and chairs seem lower than when we helped out at the store while raising Hana-chan as a baby. Well, we did get bigger. The oven is the same, but the tools for making sweets have gotten much more professional.
“It’s not just Momoko. You girls are much more skillful compared to the past.”
I can’t read Majorika’s expression, but she must have complicated feelings, happy and sad.
“Momoko carefully calculated the ingredients and effort to make a profit. Not only as her assistants, but you girls were also good at handling the counter, wrapping items, decorating the store, taking care of the flowers in the garden, cleaning and tidying up. You maintained the website and advertising well too.”
“Oh no, Lala’s getting all sentimental on us!”
Hana-chan said in a deliberately cheerful voice to dispel the somber atmosphere.
“That’s right. Hana still has six years left at university, and even with MAHO-do changing, we can’t let sales drop, so Doremi needs to keep at it too,” Majorika said.
“Yeah, yeah. But first, you both need to pass those exams,” Lala added.
“Yes ma’am!”
Hana-chan and I replied energetically. I don’t have Hana-chan’s leisure, so it’s diligence every day for me.
And so, Saturday. The morning of the first day of the National Center Test arrived.
I’m not taking the National Center Test, but I woke up at my usual time and ate breakfast with my whole family. It feels like every day is a holiday, but Mom and Dad told me to keep a regular schedule until my own exam days. Exams start in the morning after all, so that makes sense. Still, I’m a little sleepy.
“Hey Doremi, don’t just keep yawning.”
“Your mother’s vegetable packed soup will get cold.”
My days were still filled with reminders from my parents, and nothing seemed to change.
“Doremi, you’re finally taking the exams for your first-choice women’s university and your second-choice private university next week, huh?” Dad said.
“Today’s the first day of the National Center Test. You have a lot of friends taking them, right?” Mom said.
After the new year started, my parents hadn’t talked much about my specific university entrance exams. I guess it was because of what happened to Onpu-chan.
“A few besides Hana-chan. I’m a little nervous too.”
“I hope everyone can do their best like normal,” Mom said.
“You’re right. I think everyone’s at least a little tense, but once the exam starts their mindset will probably switch.”
“Doremi, you’ll be a university student soon.”
Dad said it with a sentimental tone. Well, I haven’t even been accepted yet.
As I was eating heartily, Mom watched me intently, then said,
“When you become a university student, you should make your own lunch boxes at least.”
“Ehhh, but Mom, you’re way better at cooking, aren’t you?”
I raised my voice before I knew it. I mean, Mom always wakes up early to make breakfast, so wouldn’t it be more efficient if she made lunch boxes at the same time? She’s been making them for me all along, so it’s not like it would be any extra work. As I grumbled, Dad countered,
“Doremi, don’t some of your friends live away from home or work after graduation? Even if you stay at home, when you become a university student, you can’t rely on your mother for everything. You need to gradually become more independent.”
“Big sis, you depend on Mom too much. You work hard at your part-time job, but you can barely do any housework.”
Even Pop, who was just eating silently, spoke up against me.
“That’s not true!”
“Oh really?”
Pop took a sip of her warmed milk, then said,
“Big sis, you’ve barely done any laundry, right? You probably don’t even know where to put the detergent and fabric softener!”
“Or how much to use probably.”
Dad was grinning at me too!
“Geez, I was the soccer team manager you know? I can at least do laundry.”
When I was the manager, the jerseys would be covered in dirt and sweat after practice, so I did wash them when I got home. But after I stopped being the manager, I barely used the washing machine at home.
“Ever since we bought a new washing machine last year, I don’t think I’ve seen you do laundry even once,” Mom said.
“That’s right. The compact detergent nowadays is nice. Makes the grocery bags lighter too.”
Dad works as a fishing writer, covering sea and river fishing, so when he gets back from reporting trips, he washes his own things. Am I really in a weak position here to defend myself against their criticism?
“I know you need to concentrate on your exams now, but once the university entrance exams are over, you should tidy up your own room and help with household chores.”
“That’s right. University is where you study on your own initiative, in other words, you’re not a kid anymore. And considering you’ll be in a position to teach kids lots of things in the future, being able to do your own basic chores is the first step.”
“Yes.”
I don’t feel like arguing at all. Mom and Dad are definitely right. But still, they’re behaving as usual, even scolding me during an important exam period. They fussed over Pop way more when she had exams.
After finishing my meal, I went up to my room. Even Pop, who I thought was all talk and still a kid, has really matured lately. I need to grow up during my four years in university too.
(That’s right. I wonder if Hana-chan has gone to the exam hall already.)
I took out my phone and called Momo-chan, who I assumed was staying over at MAHO-do.
Oh, Doremi-chaan, good morniing!
I could hear Momo-chan’s cheerful voice. She had clearly been up for a while already.
“Good morning, Momo-chan. Did Hana-chan leave home already?”
Yup. She lined up everything she was taking and double-checked it by pointing at each thing. She headed out about 30 minutes ago!
“I see. There’s no way she’d oversleep on exam day.”
I said relieved, and Momo-chan replied,
No way, Doremi-chan, it's not like you would do that!
“That was unnecessary, Momo-chan.”
Momo-chan giggled, then said,
Just kidding, Doremi-chan. Hana-chan should be arriving at the exam hall soon. Hazuki-chan and Ai-chan were worried too. I got emails from them earlier.
We’re all thinking the same thing.
“I’m sure Hana-chan will be fine, but it’s still nerve-wracking.”
It’s different from when Hazuki-chan had her competition or when Ai-chan was at the starting line, but I can’t help but worry. After all, she’s still an elementary school student. I told Momo-chan I’d stop by the store after studying at Tsukasa-san’s place, then hung up. Hana-chan’s doing her best too. I also need to focus on my entrance exams.
I ate lunch early and went to Tsukasa-san’s house as usual. Tsukasa-san didn’t have his usual relaxed expression, instead looking restless.
“Ah, Doremi-chan, welcome.”
Tsukasa-san, who usually had a confident and beautiful demeanor, seemed out of character.
“What’s wrong, Tsukasa-san? You don’t look well.”
It hit me suddenly. That’s right. Hamada Itoko-chan should also be at the exam hall with Hana-chan today for the National Center Test. When we talked about it here last week,
“It’ll be fine. Itoko-chan really worked hard. I can see her off with peace of mind.”
While saying that, he slapped Itoko-chan on the back. So even Tsukasa-san gets worried on the actual day of the exam after all. I exchanged glances with Iida Kanae-chan, who was already in the living room, and we both smiled without saying a word.
Tsukasa-san probably ate breakfast together as usual with Itoko-chan this morning, and saw her off just like my family did with me.
“Tsukasa-san, Itoko-chan will be okay.”
I called out to Tsukasa-san who was preparing tea in the kitchen.
“That’s right. Maybe because she grew up in a big family, but Itoko-chan is very composed. I understand why you’d worry about Doremi-chan, but…”
“Hey now, Kanae-chaan.”
Recalling Momo-chan’s words, I let out an embarrassed voice. Tsukasa-san smiled at me and said,
“You’re right. Even though I live with her and I tend to live day and night in reverse, I think Itoko-chan worked hard. Yes, I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
Tsukasa-san replied as if convincing himself, and brewed some herbal tea.
“Kanae-chan, your exams are next week, right?”
“Yes. Since I was accepted by my backup school, I think I can take the exams without being nervous.”
“Don’t let your health suffer.”
After saying that, Tsukasa-san looked at me.
“Doremi-chan, next week is your first-choice university exam. It must be nerve-wracking with the date so close, but don’t oversleep or forget your exam slip.”
“Geez, Tsukasa-san. You’re worried about me in a completely different way than Itoko-chan.”
I can’t believe Tsukasa-san, who I’ve only known for a short time, could see that I’m the type to make those kinds of mistakes… Oh well.
“Doremi-chan, everyone says the same sorts of things to you, right?”
Kanae-chan said while giggling.
“I mean, you’re right… but still?”
I retorted sulkily, and the two of them exchanged glances and laughed. Tsukasa-san’s tense expression also softened, and he said,
“You’re right. At this point, panicking won’t help anything. Most importantly, don’t let your condition deteriorate. Go to the exam location early and get used to the atmosphere. It’s been a short time, but you’ve all worked really hard. Face the exams with confidence.”
“Yes!”
I nodded vigorously, expressing my gratitude.
Even though Tsukasa-san was teaching us, he kept glancing at the clock, worried about Itoko-chan, his face finally brightened up when he got an email from Itoko-chan saying she finished.
“Now you can go to work in a good mood.”
Kanae-chan said as she prepared to leave, and Tsukasa-san awkwardly said,
“Well, it’s not like I was worried at all.”
He was making excuses as if not to seem he had been overly concerned.
After leaving Tsukasa-san’s house, I parted with Kanae-chan and dashed towards MAHO-do. It was around the time Hana-chan should be getting back too.
“Momo-chan, did Hana-chan come home?”
As soon as I arrived at MAHO-do, I asked Momo-chan who was up front, and Ai-chan and Hazuki-chan had already arrived.
“Not yet. But she sent a message that she finished, so she should be back soon.”
“Knowing Hana-chan, I’m sure she got through the exam fine, but there’s still tomorrow. It looks like MAHO-do will close up early today too.”
Whether they overheard my voice or not, I could hear the voices of the two of them coming from the store lobby.
“You’re an exam student too. Why don’t you put Hana’s worries aside and go home?”
Majorika made a shooing gesture at me. Lala also said while giggling,
“That’s right. We got an email from Hana-chan that she finished the first day safely. There’s still an exam tomorrow and second-round exams too. Even if you’re anxious now, there’s nothing you can do about it.”
I know, I know. But I was worried. Ai-chan and Hazuki-chan even sent morning emails because they were concerned, which is why we all came to MAHO-do, right? Ai-chan said reliably,
“My interview went fine too, and now I just have to wait for the results. I can finally put my full effort into training. I’ll also help out at MAHO-do.”
With that, Hazuki-chan also smiled.
“I have some time between English and French lessons too, so I’ll work hard to compensate for the times I couldn’t lend a hand at MAHO-do earlier.”
I thought that even though they weren’t so busy because they had decided on their future paths, they both treasure MAHO-do so much.
“The store is closing now. Hana-chan also sent me an email, and there’s an exam tomorrow too. I’ll be staying here tonight to take care of things, okay?”
Urged by Momo-chan, we decided to leave MAHO-do before Hana-chan got back.
“Hana-chan might get too excited if we’re here, don’t you think?” Hazuki-chan said.
“Yeah, it wouldn’t be good if it interfered with her exam tomorrow. Doremi-chan, we should head home too,” Ai-chan said.
“You’re right. We tend to get carried away with chatting.”
It feels like it’s getting dark later since the New Year. Looking back, the lights on MAHO-do’s signboard had already gone out, and Momo-chan was probably getting a warm meal ready for Hana-chan.
“Doremi-chan, you’re also taking the exam next week, right?” Hazuki-chan said.
“Which one is your first choice?” Ai-chan asked.
“Well, the first university I take the exam for is my first choice, but the difference in entrance exam scores, commuting time, and the number of available seats isn’t that significant. I’d be happy to pass either one.”
“Why are you saying that? You should think you’ll pass both,” Ai-chan emphasized.
The university I want to go to has its exam in the middle of the week, and the one I ranked second is at the weekend after that. Hazuki-chan smiled and said,
“It’s good they’re so close together, right?”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because you won’t have to worry about the results and can just focus on the next exam,” she replied.
“Yeah, yeah. Doremi-chan can be quite sensitive, and if things go well, she’s likely to get excited, and if they don’t, she’ll feel down, affecting the next exam. It’s better not to know,” Ai-chan added.
“Hey now, that’s mean!”
As expected from a long-time best friend, she understands me scarily well.
“But you know, I actually thought it was good that the exam dates are close.”
If there’s too much time between exams, I feel like I might forget the English vocabulary and formulas I’ve memorized.
“The number of students accepted into the Department of Child Education is small, even at Karen Girls’ Academy. I guess that’s the way it is if you’re hoping to become an elementary school teacher.”
“Oh, it’s a narrower gate than I thought huh,” Ai-chan said.
“Doremi-chan, you’ve helped us in many ways, but now all we can do is cheer you on. I’m sure Onpu-chan feels the same.”
At the fork on our way home, Hazuki-chan encouraged me with a gentle smile. Ai-chan also patted me lightly on the shoulder as we parted and said,
“We’re cheering for you like crazy in our hearts!”
I wanted to say something thoughtful to each of them in return, but I couldn’t think of any good words, so I could only say “thank you”.
My friends are the ones who truly face the narrow gate. I’m the one who has actually received help.
Hazuki-chan tutored me every time I had a test, and Ai-chan cheered me up when I was down. Momo-chan made delicious sweets for every event, and Onpu-chan pushed me forward. Hana-chan was always positive right?
While walking home, I psyched myself up. To respond to everyone’s feelings, nothing but passing will do!
(Thank you, everyone. I’ll do my best!)
Arriving in front of my house, I took a deep breath, straightened my back, and forcefully opened the front door with purpose.
Monday of exam week finally arrived, and I went to see my homeroom teacher Yamaki-sensei aka Leon.
“Yo, Harukaze. How’s it going?”
Leon spoke to me casually as always. I heard that the third-year homeroom teachers get stomachaches when the new year starts because most of their students are going to university, junior college, or vocational school, but Leon, who has experienced this many times, shows no signs of tension at all.
“What do you mean how’s it going? I’m just taking a breather now that the National Center Test is finally over.”
Maybe because I had a dissatisfied look on my face, he said,
“Oh right, Makihatayama seemed to get a very good score. When I heard she skipped an answer box on day one, I was worried if she could cover for it, but perhaps it was needless worry.”
“It’s true. I was shocked when I heard that too.”
That’s right, Hana-chan finished the whole thing in less than 30 minutes after the exam started. And yet Hana-chan was like:
You see, there was one blank space at the top. When I looked closely, all the answers were shifted by one, so I panicked a bit~~.
Lucky there was plenty of time left, right?
“She noticed before moving to the next section, but hearing about it later made my heart race too.”
Leon looked at me intently and said,
“That’s exactly the kind of careless mistake I’d expect from you. Well, learn from her mistake and keep your cool during the exam. Unlike Makihatayama, there’s no way you’ll have spare time.”
I feel like he said something quite rude, but I said,
“I’ve heard the same thing from everyone.”
That’s right. As soon as Hana-chan finished telling her failure story, my best friends all looked at me at once.
“Harukaze.”
Leon said seriously, so I looked at him.
“Yes!”
“Both your first and second choice universities are more challenging than you might think. But you’ve really worked hard. Just watch your health until the exam day. And the most important thing is…”
Leon patted my shoulder and continued,
“On the day of the exam, absolutely do not bump your head.”
“Huh?”
“Not just that, try not to shake your head much either.”
“Haa?”
“To ensure that the knowledge you’ve crammed into your head over the past year doesn’t spill out before the exam, be careful on your way to the university. Understand?”
“Whaaaat?”
Leon smiled broadly and said,
“That’s all I can tell you. Good luck.”
He spun his chair around and faced his desk.
I reluctantly bowed my head and left the career counseling room, but somehow I just couldn’t comprehend it. Or rather, isn’t Leon saying some pretty rude things?
I had decided to only go between home, school, and the library until the exams. But I changed my plans and stopped by MAHO-do on my way home from school to tell everyone what Leon had said.
“Leon’s hilarious, seriously, cracking up here.”
Ai-chan said, trying not to laugh out loud.
“That’s a little… mean…”
“Doremi-chan, I also wanted to warn you to avoid careless mistakes, but Leon beat me to it.”
Hazuki-chan and Momo-chan smiled wryly too.
“Hana also messed up by being careless. You should walk carefully, Doremi!”
Only Hana-chan, who had her second-round exams coming up, didn’t laugh, but maybe she’s just naturally dense. Well, I knew that talking to everyone would lead to this kind of result.
“Umm, so I really seem like the type to make those silly mistakes?”
“Why are you asking that again at this point?”
Ai-chan casually agreed right away. Of course, that’s how you all see me.
“Doremi-chan, on the actual day, you should take an earlier train than planned. I don’t think you’ll get lost now, but picturing yourself commuting to this university and taking the trip slowly from the station would be good, I think. If you have time to spare, you can walk slowly from the station, right?”
Hazuki-chan had a serious face again.
“That’s right. Image training, Doremi-chan.”
“Unlike Hana, you have the opportunity to take the exam at the university you’ll attend.”
Momo-chan and Hana-chan are right. It would be nice to experience the different atmosphere of the university from the summer, and to take the exam with a sense of leisure.
“You all really give better advice than Leon after all.”
“No, I think Leon was trying to say the same thing.”
Ai-chan said, and everyone nodded. Is that really true? Thinking back on Leon’s words about my exams so far, I don’t feel like he said anything that deep.
On the day of the exam, I woke up earlier than usual, ate breakfast, and laid out the necessary items on my desk just like Hana-chan did.
“Exam slip, writing utensils, lunch box and water bottle, cell phone, wallet, train IC card, reference book just in case… okay, all set!”
I carefully packed each item into my bag one by one and went downstairs.
“It seems like there won’t be any train delays. It’s lucky that it’s sunny.”
“Doremi, you have everything right? Go without rushing. You have plenty of time.”
Dad and Mom came to the front door. They seemed worried about whether I’d make my usual absent-minded mistakes. Of course, I could tell what they were thinking.
“Oh, big sis, you’re early. Have a safe trip!”
Even Pop, who had just woken up, saw me off at the front door.
“Maybe I should drive and see you to the station after all?”
“I’m fine. Bye Dad, Mom, I’m off!”
I raised my hand vigorously and headed out the front door, walking to the station. Tsukasa-san also told me that it’s best to do things the same way as usual. I’ll go confidently.
At the station, I used my IC card to pass through the ticket gate and boarded the train. People kept getting on the train every time the doors opened, but as the city center got closer, the number of people getting off and getting on became about equal. The passengers were mostly office workers, office ladies, and students. It’s a busy morning for everyone.
I held on to the handrail and looked out the window. The distance to the university I’ll be attending from April is getting shorter and shorter. Every time the train rocked, I remembered what Leon had told me.
When I went through the ticket gate at the nearest station to my first choice, Setagaya Women’s University, the scenery was completely different from what I had seen at the open campus in summer, and the wind was very cold, probably because I had been in the heated train car for a long time.
“Huh?”
I found a woman, about 27 years old, holding a baby of about one year old, standing still with a troubled face in the passage of the bike lot right outside the station.
“Miss, what’s wrong?”
The woman looked between me and the row of fallen bikes like dominoes, and said,
“I came to bring my husband’s forgotten item from home, but when I parked my bike, gave him the item, and came back, this is what happened in just a few minutes…”
When the woman pointed to the bike lot, her bike was right in the middle of a pile of dominoes. It had a child’s seat in the front, making it even harder to pull out.
“I’ll lift the bikes, so could you just watch the baby for a moment?”
I stopped her from trying to hand over the child and said,
“I’ll lift the bikes, so please hold the baby. That’s safer for both of us, right?”
“Eh? But that’s not good…”
As the woman hesitated, I led her out of the bike lot and started putting the bikes upright from the end. Even though I walk to school, it was a scene I’d seen in the school bike lot occasionally. Commuters and students who had biked to the station avoided getting involved, it was their normal routine to just park and go on their way.
“Even with so many people going in and out, you were the only one who called out to me. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s nothing.”
I finally got one bike upright.
“Everyone else just glances over. I think helping or not comes down to just a little courage.”
I moved the upright bike to the side. With some space cleared, the next one should be easier. The woman smiled and said,
“Just a little courage, huh. You’re so wonderful… Oh, looking closely, that uniform is not from a high school around here. I can tell since I’m local.”
I lifted the next bicycle and replied,
“Yes, I’m taking a university entrance exam today.”
“Could it be for the women’s university ahead?”
When I nodded, she said,
“Ehh, then you shouldn’t be doing this!”
“I left really early, so it’s fine. Besides, it’s not a big deal.”
When I looked at the large clock in front of the station, there was still nearly an hour until the exam started. The university is about a 5 minute walk from here.
“No, no. I’ve taken entrance exams before, so I know it’s always better to have some extra time. Anyway, you taught me something good.”
The woman brought my bag I had put down and handed it to me.
“Huh?”
As I accepted the bag and tilted my head in confusion, the woman went out to the street in front of the bike lot while holding the baby in her arms.
“Excuse me! Could I get a little help please?”
She began to call out to passersby, and in response, two men who looked like university students stopped and followed behind the woman.
“This girl was helping me until now, but she seems to have an exam. Sorry about this. Could you lend a hand with lifting the bikes?”
Saying that, she pulled me out of the bike lot and added,
“I’m following your example and trying to have a little courage myself. From now on, if I see someone in trouble, I’ll call out to them too… I hope this child grows up to be a kind girl like you.”
When I patted the little girl’s head, she smiled brightly at me.
“Well then, I won’t hold you up any longer.”
“Do your best. You’ll be fine, I’m sure you’ll pass.”
As I bowed my head, the woman waved her hand. I felt really good all of a sudden, like I could take the exam in a good mood. I started walking in the direction of the university.
Seeing the women’s university I aspired to across the street, my stride grew wider. Just then,
“Ah, sorry!”
With the voice came a thud as someone bumped into my shoulder, causing me to stagger. I barely avoided falling by grabbing onto a traffic signal pole. The man immediately stopped and said,
“Sorry about that. I was in a hurry and not watching ahead.”
“No, I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings either…”
The man who bumped me seemed relieved that I quickly responded, and bowed his head saying,
“You’re not hurt? Really, my bad.”
Then he passed by. Ahh, that surprised me~~… Leon’s words, which I hadn’t paid much attention to before, suddenly came to my mind.
(What should I do? My head’s totally shaken up. Even though nothing happened until now.)
The pedestrian signal changed to green and I crossed the road. The university main gate came into view ahead. I felt nervous all of a sudden. Worryingly, I pressed my head.
(No, no, it’s nothing to worry about, Doremi!)
While scolding and encouraging myself, I passed through the university gate and followed the directions of the staff to make my way to the exam room.
As I entered the university gate, I inexplicably began to walk even faster, and I quickly arrived at the exam room. Even though I had plenty of time to calm my nerves with a leisurely stroll earlier. About half of the seats were filled, and the other students around me all seemed more accomplished than I did.
I had brought my study materials just in case, but it seemed pointless to spread out reference books and vocabulary lists at this point. I was the only one from my grade level taking this particular department’s exam, and the room was eerily quiet, leaving me with no sense of belonging.
(No good. What am I doing in this situation?)
To liven myself up, I shook my head vigorously.
(Ahhh, I shook my head again~~. Not what I meant!)
I stood up abruptly, as if to rouse myself, and decided to go to the toilet to change the mood.
After returning to the exam room and waiting a while, the teacher in charge came in, explained the instructions, and then handed out the question papers and answer sheets. First, it was the English listening section.
“Ahhhhh~~.”
In the end, I spaced out even during the short lunch break and barely tasted my lunch box.
Unlike Hana-chan, I didn’t experience any issues like mismarking my answer sheet, and there were no late arrivals or other mishaps that everyone had been worried about. However, I panicked way more than necessary because I didn’t know the meaning of a single word in an English reading comprehension question. This anxiety lingered through the next subject.
──It’s like everything spilled right out of my head~~.
I tried to calm myself but it was already too late for that. If only I had looked up the meaning of that word right after the English section finished, I could have found closure.
──I somehow filled in all the answer spaces but time was tight.
From my best friends to Tsukasa-san, Itoko-chan and the others, my family, Leon, and everyone on the soccer team… I had received encouragement from so many people. The exam still isn’t over. I just need to stop thinking and focus on what’s in front of me. I was determined to do that.
The weekend exam for the second university finished.
For me, it was more like a sigh of relief. The first women’s university where I took the exam had left a strong impression on me from the open campus, and I really wanted to attend no matter what. So, the shock had been quite significant. For the next university I was taking the exam for, I didn’t get that feeling of needing to pass at all costs.
Maybe I should have chosen a university with an earlier exam date as a backup. But considering the commute from home and choice of subjects, there was no other way.
And then finally, on the day of the acceptance announcements, I asked Ai-chan, who had already been accepted, to come with me. I felt like Ai-chan, who had overcome tough times herself, could help secure my acceptance.
…Geez, that’s totally leaving it up to someone else huh.
“What’s with you, Doremi-chan. It’s the day of the acceptance announcements, liven yourself up more!”
“But I have no confidence…”
Ai-chan slapped me on the back and walked on ahead with determination. So this is what they mean by trying to grab onto anything, huh? I walked while looking at Ai-chan’s confident back.
There were a lot of high school girls gathered around the bulletin board, and I also plucked up the courage to join them.
“…I didn’t make it after all…”
“That can’t be true. Check your exam slip number again.”
I looked again, but my number wasn’t there.
“Doremi-chan, there’s still one more school. Cheer up!”
Ai-chan patted me lightly on my shoulders this time.
On the train ride home, I was holding back tears. Ai-chan sat close to me without saying a word, and although I was relieved I wasn’t alone, my emotions were all tangled up. Normally, Ai-chan would laugh off anything to cheer me up, but this time I felt bad that she was quiet now because of me. All those feelings were hard to handle.
“….Sorry, Ai-chan. I dragged you into this.”
“What are you saying… Doremi-chan, you did your best. If you passed the other one, that’s good right?”
“…Yeah.”
I sent a message to my best friends who were worried about me, as well as to Mom, telling them I didn’t get into the university. I didn’t want to hear their responses, so I turned off my phone.
I went to check the acceptance announcement for the other university alone. Of course, I had no confidence. I knew that my motivation for the exams had never really kicked in, even though it was a university I might be attending.
──As I thought, I didn’t make it.
I went home and reported to Mom and Dad that I didn’t pass, and then I sat alone on the bed in my room in a daze. Tears started dripping down. Mom, Dad, and Pop knocked on my door at dinner time, but I just answered,
“I’ll eat later.”
I couldn’t stop crying.
I received emails from my best friends, and I felt bad that I couldn’t respond to everyone’s cheers for me, and guilty about their kind words of encouragement. I could only manage to say a brief thank you.
I also received an email from Onpu-chan, who had just lost her mother, apologizing for troubling me before the exams. I emailed her back to say that wasn’t the case at all.
I was really down that night.
I had wanted to become an elementary school teacher so badly, but the university had just handed me a resounding “no”.
──Am I that worthless of a person? Me…
More new tears spilled out.
──Was it because I didn’t put enough offering coins at the shrine? Or because I was too persistent in pulling fortune slips until I got the best fortune?
I even started thinking things like that.
What’s more, I began to resent Leon.
──It’s because Leon gave me that kind of advice, that’s why it turned out like this.
I even resented the man who bumped into me in front of the women’s university.
──If only you hadn’t bumped into me, the knowledge I’d crammed into my head wouldn’t have come spilling out…
I felt like shouting and blaming my own lack of ability.
But I hated myself for thinking that, so I collapsed on the bed.
I gazed from the bed to my desk. Amid the reference books and notebooks, the autographed cards with writings from the soccer team members stood out.
I got up, grabbed the autographed cards, returned to bed, and traced each character of the writings with my finger.
Everyone’s warm words brought more tears to my eyes, and I hugged the autographed cards close.
Then, I covered my head with the blanket and fell asleep while crying again.
doremi chan ganbatte ne
What the hell is going on right now? First Onpu`s mother and then the big failure of Doremi! Such heartbreaking!!
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